I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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