I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
