I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
