i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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