of course. lets lasso hookers.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
