woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
