Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
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hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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