the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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