You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
