You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
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I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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