the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
