Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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