i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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