every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Drunk is not a location!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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