If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize