Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
