He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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