I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
