just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
