Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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