Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
