I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
