I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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