this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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