I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yo dont text me then not text me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
