last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
