you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize