I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
sex in a hospital.. check
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your shirt... Was in my pants
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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