are you wasted or are you getting laid?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
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We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again