I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
