You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.