White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.