I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂