So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?