he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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