Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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