In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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