he thought i was a dude.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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