I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
