suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
