Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
