I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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