She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
