Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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