Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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