OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize