I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
