I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
