# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
