were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
