I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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