I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
