yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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