Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize