I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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