im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
