these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I want to be your penis for a week.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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