the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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