My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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