You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
