Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
