I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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