Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
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I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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