someone get that fucking seahorse.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
