he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
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It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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