i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
don't judge my taste in strippers
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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