Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
