we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
