happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
