Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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